Why am I so glum?

So in the end I didn’t do anything productive over the long weekend, save clearing a few PW emails. Damn this lethargy is getting to me again. I’m just not in the mood to do anything. I just want to wallow in, I don’t know, not self-pity but a sort of detached isolation, not wanting to get involved in the frantic pace of living, because it’s just too frantic, too frenetic, and I need a break. Apparently so. Because maybe I get like this because I deliberately pull myself away from everything, that if I keep busy, I won’t feel this way.

I don’t know.

I want so much to feel optimistic, that’s there’s a purpose to it all, that everything’s ok so long as you keep at it, keep at it, keep at it, but deep down no. It’s that darkness that shades into everything when you least expect it. I don’t even know what I’m whining about.

I just feel rotten over the long weekend. I can’t figure it out.

Maybe it’s because the anniversary’s coming up. I don’t know.

It’s an infinite loop of bad feelings. I need to cut it.

At Ed’s now, trying to mark. Feeling a little better after our convo. Marking’s not going well though. It’s overcast but the sky refuses to open its bowels. It’s been really hot today too; the office air-con went bust and I think everyone just wanted to go home. I suppose the best thing I did was to hold my irritability in front of my charges.

I don’t know if I can ever figure out what’s bugging me.


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