Archive for August, 2012

When People Don’t Notice You’ve Changed

August 24, 2012

Came across some really good insights here. After the meet this morning, it was good to get some perspective.

Keep calm and carry on being New Me.

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Tone

August 23, 2012

Telling it like it is
only for the other party’s good
not in it for the glory
except you’re always misunderstood

tired of the constant reminding
“Okay I will take note;
next time it won’t happen”
escape into indifference I should

three months it’s nearly been, so
obviously I’m puzzled by this
nuisance that is day-ruining
everything I believe in for good

“Time to call time on it all?”
Old Me whispers perniciously
“Not by a long shot” is the retort, yet
entranced, it has my mind wrought

Why am I so glum?

August 21, 2012

So in the end I didn’t do anything productive over the long weekend, save clearing a few PW emails. Damn this lethargy is getting to me again. I’m just not in the mood to do anything. I just want to wallow in, I don’t know, not self-pity but a sort of detached isolation, not wanting to get involved in the frantic pace of living, because it’s just too frantic, too frenetic, and I need a break. Apparently so. Because maybe I get like this because I deliberately pull myself away from everything, that if I keep busy, I won’t feel this way.

I don’t know.

I want so much to feel optimistic, that’s there’s a purpose to it all, that everything’s ok so long as you keep at it, keep at it, keep at it, but deep down no. It’s that darkness that shades into everything when you least expect it. I don’t even know what I’m whining about.

I just feel rotten over the long weekend. I can’t figure it out.

Maybe it’s because the anniversary’s coming up. I don’t know.

It’s an infinite loop of bad feelings. I need to cut it.

At Ed’s now, trying to mark. Feeling a little better after our convo. Marking’s not going well though. It’s overcast but the sky refuses to open its bowels. It’s been really hot today too; the office air-con went bust and I think everyone just wanted to go home. I suppose the best thing I did was to hold my irritability in front of my charges.

I don’t know if I can ever figure out what’s bugging me.

Magic by Trial

August 18, 2012

Fingers sore from cutting colouring gluing
seeing stars from typing printing tweeting
Sleepy from expectancy
that kept us up last night
dreaming about today

Nervy moments aplenty
When the first few approached
Would they buy it we asked
And can we keep up our smiles

Somewhere along the way
The cause had become me
And everywhere I looked
I found it was you too

It’s magic
No other way to explain it
How tired legs never flagged
And racing hearts never forget

Frame after frame we clicked
in step with one strong beat
Familiar faces we saw
And a few cold hearts we thawed

by magic
No other way to explain it
How tired legs never flagged
And racing hearts never forget

Now we’re all packed and ready to go
Each to his own way but everyone’s aglow
With fond memories we’ll
keep out the night cold
And in bed tonight
we’ll be dreaming of

magic
No other way to explain it
How tired legs never flagged
And racing hearts never forget

Every river, whichever its path, winds its way safe to sea

August 18, 2012

Two groups went out today, one raising awareness and one networking. The former turned out great; waiting for the latter to check in with me.

Tonight the new EPL season begins. I really must motivate myself to finish my work in the day so I won’t be so guilty watching some matches. Didn’t do much today other than clearing some PW emails, but there’s a long weekend so I can really focus tmr and Monday. Jiayou to me!

I choose to become someone better

August 16, 2012

“It’s not about finding someone better. It’s about becoming someone better.”

I came to this realisation last night. Would have made a perfect retort but I’m way past retorts at this stage.

Had lunch with G today, and things happened as I predicted. Not quite the extremes of what I had in mind, but suffice to say that my idea of ‘lunching to catch up’ is very different from some people’s idea of it. The temerity of people doesn’t anger me any longer. People will do what they think they can get away with, and it’s up to me if I want to continue being old me or commit to the person I’ve become/trying to become.

I choose to become someone better.

Been 10 weeks at gym

August 15, 2012

How time flies. When I started I never thought it would last this long. It feels good. A whole term of trying to keep healthy. A little reminder to me here that as long as we don’t give up, things can get better.

So we had The Big Term Meet today, and it was opined that private tutors don’t get the satisfaction of seeing progress and eventual success of their charges. I respectfully disagree. They do get to enjoy it, minus all the BS, because they really can do what they’re supposed to do, and just possibly get more respect too. Of course I can’t square with the whole morality of it all, but that’s a different story.

Something to ponder, as September 1st draws ever closer.

Wise words to begin Week 8

August 12, 2012

“Sooner or later, the day comes when you can’t hide from the things that you’ve done anymore.”

– Commander William Adama, at Galactica‘s decommissioning ceremony, BSG Reimagined Miniseries, Night 1

With Seveny on the lanes

August 11, 2012

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Everyone had fun. A nice bonding activity before we all tackle the storm of the next few weeks. Hold on people.

As the nation turns 47…

August 9, 2012

Spending the National Day holidays marking. Well, after dawdling for the longest time today. It’s quiet now at Ed’s; down to the last few stragglers drinking their beer and lighting up yet another. Lots of people have probably chosen to fly off for a short holiday; I might have been one of them had we still been together.

So this is how eight and a half years end. On a long weekend holding onto a red pen.