Post- Mat.ZoUk thoughts

So I was at Mat Zo’s set at Zouk last night with Ed, and he brought the house down with his classics ‘Superman’ and ‘Mozart’ and many more. Even though I didn’t try to get his autograph, it was a good experience to get out of the marking zone and hear a live prog house set after a long time out of clubbing.

The only down moment was when the alcohol – even if it was just a little – kicked in and I hit rock bottom again, and all the bad memories about her and the hurt of realising it was just an icing-layer friendship just surfaced and there I was, on the dance floor, jammed packed with dozens of happy, partying bodies and yet thoroughly, completely incapable of feeling a tinge of happiness. I was literally moored to misery, while the others were happy little floating islands of neon light and strobes.

So I left the dance floor and I puked it all out – bad feelings and all – and I was okay again, which meant I could really enjoy the climax of the set properly.

This confirms what I already know very early on. Booze just gets me down. I’ve been down and I don’t want to stay down anymore. Some people say alcohol gives them a high. Not me. I get high seeing my charges’ eyes slowly brightening from realisation, from discovery. I get high from a good trance set. I get high in the gym. In other words, from good things.

I’ll leave the booze to you, bud. I know you meant well when you told me to text her ‘many returns of the day, but I’m sorry I can’t take this journey together with you anymore’ but I really don’t feel I need to. Not anymore.

CM’s really coming into her own in the realisation thingy. Today she Whatsapped her insights faster than I could type the prompt question! She really has been amazing. I hope the others were watching. And learning.

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