The only person you can be is…yourself

So I told Ed what happened, and this was his takeaway, in summary. I’m too nice, and girls see through me in a sec. So I get used by them time and again. Yeah you could say she used me for her assignments and I used her to feed the delusion that we had a relationship stronger than mere friendship. Or you could said we were friends helping each other in the way each needed the most. Who’s to say whose need was baser, less noble? I guess it depends whether you want to regard it in a cynical fashion, or you recognize there’s a fundamentally transactional notion in friendship but true friends go beyond that, try to be better than that.

He also said let it come naturally, don’t try to force relationships because it almost always happens when you least expect it. Here’s the most difficult lesson to learn. How to be completely at peace with, have no emotional reaction to the thought, the possibility that I will remain alone? Wouldn’t it be the cruelest irony if I finally achieve this state and someone comes along?

Or maybe that’s the point. To truly deserve something is when you are most prepared to let it go.


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