What is incredible selfishness?

To dwell on your own minor problems when others have much greater, much worthier ones to deal with?

To think your problems are greater than anyone else’s?

To think it’s more important to deal with your problems before helping others with theirs?

I have a stable secure job, doing something that’s ultimately, deep down meaningful for others, a roof over my head, relatively good health, some people I have the fortune to turn to when I need a good kick in the head. So why do I hanker for more, for things which I can’t have that may be for my own good? Why I am so easily distressed emotionally about things which in the greater scheme of things aren’t important? So she doesn’t have feelings for me. Why do I find it so hard to accept that? Why do I need every nice thing that I do for her or others acknowledged the way I want? Can’t I just be happy that I have done something nice for her and not hanker for any appreciation that makes me realise she cares for me as deeply as I do her?

I think I’m incredibly selfish. I care so much about how others should react to the nice things I do for them than the actual reason why I’m doing those things. I want affirmation and approval, not because I genuinely want to do nice things. Maybe that’s why I’m unhappy, because I’ve been chasing the wrong things. The problem is I don’t know how to deal with people who genuinely take me for granted. Should I be a sucker and love it? Or can I actually put it past me to come to terms with their behavior? Nobody wants to be walked all over all the time. So what should I do? Should I really be upset that she doesn’t respond the way I wish she would, or how can I come to terms with the fact that her reaction has nothing to do with my choices to do nice things for her?

How do I do nice things for people and not expect a positive response?

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